Monday, 1 November 2010


My fears were realised on Saturday night when I got the dreaded phoned call from the nursing home to say that my mum had died.

Yesterday was spent in a emotional haze, informing her few remaining relatives and liaising with my sisters and brother and various friends.

The next few days will be spent arranging her funeral and dealing with the mountain of paper work that needs sorting out.

Having visited her on Friday and realising just how very ill she had became, the phone call on Saturday was not unexpected. It's just very hard to get my head around the fact that she is no longer here.

I feel that I am on an emotional roller coaster, feeling desperately sad one minute, relieved that she is no longer suffering the next, feeling very guilty for the fact that we have had a very distant relationship at times. I am so very glad that I saw my mum regularly over the last two years and that she did have meaningful contact with her family once again during that time. I have come to realise and accept that you can't change the past but when you get older you can see things more clearly through adult eyes and perhaps understand situations with more clarity which in turn can allow for forgiveness.

As I mentioned in my last post my mum's life wasn't the happiest, she had to endure a very destructive illness which unfortunately damaged her relatinship with her family greatly. I just truly hope she has gone on to a much happier place where she can find true peace and happiness. Rest in Peace mum x



  1. I'm so very sorry to hear your news, and sorry also not to have responded to your last couple of posts - my own mum's health has taken up time and I have not been able to keep up with blogs at all. I have a very good freind who was in almost exactly the same situation as yours with a manic depressive mum who I think had to go into hospital when my friend was 14 - she had very complex feelings of loss when her mum died with some anger mixed in too for the childhood she should have had being taken away from her by this dreaful illness. I do hope you are able to very soon remember the good moments from your relationship and that you get through all the practical things very soon. Lots of love to you xxxx

  2. Am really sorry to hear your sad news, Alison.

    I know exactly how you are feeling. It will get easier.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear your sad news Alison, you have every right to feel sad but please don't feel guilty. We do what we have to in this life and regret/guilt is a useless emotion as we can't change the past. Your mum is at peace now and in a happier place.
    Big hugs to you
    Love Pene x

  4. Sorry to hear your sad news.

    Sending you a cyber hug xx

  5. Sending you my sincere condolences, you must be feeling numb! Healing thoughts to you and yours love Annie xx

  6. So sorry to hear your sad news.

    Sending ((hugs)) your way.

    MBB x

  7. Oh Alison, I'm so very sad for you. Sad that you've lost your Mum and sad for the years you both missed out on. Take care and don't be hard on yourself.


  8. Really sorry to hear this. My thoughts go out to you and your family x

  9. So sorry to hear this Alison. Mental health problems are so destructive and still quite taboo. It is sad that it affected your family relations so badly but at least you had some kind of coming together towards the end of her life. You feel what you feel and you have good reason, don't worry about how others view it. Big hugs. xx

  10. So sorry for your loss Alison - thinking of you x

  11. just wanted to say sorry for your loss, you sound like an amazingly strong woman who with the love and support of her family will ride this emotional rollercoaster and in time remember the good times that you spent with your mum over the past couple of years...
    thinking of you xx

  12. Oh I am very sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time. Hugs xx