My fears were realised on Saturday night when I got the dreaded phoned call from the nursing home to say that my mum had died.
Yesterday was spent in a emotional haze, informing her few remaining relatives and liaising with my sisters and brother and various friends.
The next few days will be spent arranging her funeral and dealing with the mountain of paper work that needs sorting out.
Having visited her on Friday and realising just how very ill she had became, the phone call on Saturday was not unexpected. It's just very hard to get my head around the fact that she is no longer here.
I feel that I am on an emotional roller coaster, feeling desperately sad one minute, relieved that she is no longer suffering the next, feeling very guilty for the fact that we have had a very distant relationship at times. I am so very glad that I saw my mum regularly over the last two years and that she did have meaningful contact with her family once again during that time. I have come to realise and accept that you can't change the past but when you get older you can see things more clearly through adult eyes and perhaps understand situations with more clarity which in turn can allow for forgiveness.
As I mentioned in my last post my mum's life wasn't the happiest, she had to endure a very destructive illness which unfortunately damaged her relatinship with her family greatly. I just truly hope she has gone on to a much happier place where she can find true peace and happiness. Rest in Peace mum x
1 year ago